i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
