I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
