Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
