i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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