Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
