got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just high enough for therapy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
