the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
