Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
