A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
