Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
