Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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