Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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