on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
