Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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