OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think your dad took our porno
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
