I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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