I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize