doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
