If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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