I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
