I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
