no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
