yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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