I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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