watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
