four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
