Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
