i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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