so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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