Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize