The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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