You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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