so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
