dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
