Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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