No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize