So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Cover your peen. We're going out.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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