the condom got lost in my hair
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
be right there i have to get my cape
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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