Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
