fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
