he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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