And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My ATM looks so different sober.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
