Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
