trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
