So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
