thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
