i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
