Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
