Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
