Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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