Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
