I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
