Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
