I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
