Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
