I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
