My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
