Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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