i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
