Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
