I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
