apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
