yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
me + whiskey = a bad person
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
