I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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