i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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