Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
