I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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