Betty ford says i'm here all night
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
