I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
