All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
