I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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