OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Found your dick twin last night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
