Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
