i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
