I want to make a zoo with you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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