After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
