Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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