I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
