it wasn't lemon gatorade
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize