You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
