I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
