This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
