That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize