filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
