What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
