My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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