Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
