I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
