I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
