my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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