So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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