saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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