I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
