Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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