My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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