her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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