I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
