That's intense
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
