suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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