How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
