is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
