you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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