literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
