bring money and cleavage
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
