I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
