so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
