I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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