i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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