You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
