Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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