If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
