she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Enjoy the penises
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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