omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
