he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think a kid would responsible me up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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