I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
