you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
