I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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