Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
