dude i'm inner monologue high
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
