Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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