apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
