I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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