when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
